There is one vegetable my mom loved and I hated as a child, that is ‘bitter gourd’. She would put slices of it in a clear soup broth with pork chops. Stuff and steam it with minced meat. Or have it cooled and mixed with creamy mayonnaise as a side dish. With each bite, she sums up the health benefits of this wonder vegetable, how it cools the body (its ability to lower inflammation) and combats several diseases. I could not understand how she would appreciate such a bitter taste.
This chapter is all about bitterness, and how it can sometimes be beneficial, just like the bitter gourd. If only one is willing to surrender to the taste.
Bitterness reminds me of the visits to a traditional Chinese pharmacy, where the chosen dried plant roots were ground up in fine powder and then wrapped in paper.
[Video found on: https://www.pond5.com/stock-footage/item/125022469-4k-uhd-video-packing-chinese-herbs-traditional-pink-wrinkled](https://www.pond5.com/stock-footage/item/125022469-4k-uhd-video-packing-chinese-herbs-traditional-pink-wrinkled)
Video found on: https://www.pond5.com/stock-footage/item/125022469-4k-uhd-video-packing-chinese-herbs-traditional-pink-wrinkled
Once reached home, I would pour myself a cup of tepid water. Open the paper package and find a way to swallow the bitter powder without gagging. For me, this reflex of not wanting to swallow the bitter medicine is a form of an edge behavior. As bitterness can be tough to swallow, and it can also be a great source of learning and growth. Knowing that the bitter medicine will support me in the process of healing does not mean that I will swallow the medicine without some form of resistance.
Along the journey of becoming and being a Processworker, I have learned that a facilitator’s job is not to drag or push the group over it’s edge, but to work together at the edge. There, my awareness helps me to navigate and track the signals for me to follow the process. The bitter flavour reminds me to work with the unique characteristics of the edge. The edge is like a ‘no person’s land’ where the primary and the secondary processes are about to meet, where the known world and the unknown experiences are colliding. In my work, I turn to innerwork exercises when participants are at the edge. By introducing an Innerwork exercise, participants are invited to board a vehicle so they can travel through dreamland, finding unknown and known parts of themselves and tapping into the sentient part of themselves. Not just get caught in the polarisation between the primary and the secondary processes. So they can appreciate the beneficial elements that come with the bitterness, like how my mom could truly enjoy the flavor of the bitter gourd.
The taste of bitterness supports us to appreciate the sweetness of life. However, although the benefits of bitterness are invaluable, human beings do not tend to enjoy bitterness in general. The preference is for something sweet at first. Like how newborns take big gulps of formula/sweet break milk.
One of my first experiences with an inner-work exercise was a felt sense of the healing power of bitterness. As a newbie to Processwork, I was lucky to be paired up with a partner who had attended several DDI seminars already. I shared my life story of being left as the only child of my parents and with no family support on my own in a foreign country at the age of 17. How it felt like. Me as a small child, sitting in a lonely corner.
Picture found on https://stock.adobe.com/nl/contributor/206244680/apichart609?load_type=author&prev_url=detail
My buddy invited me to switch channels by seeking out a corner in the lobby where we were sitting, to embody the posture I had in mind. We found an improvised corner between a coat rack and some kind of glass wall on wheels, with people busy talking and doing the inner-work exercise. I sat on the ground and hugged my knees. It was a revelation.
While sitting, I felt the glass wall behind me, which gave me support. The hanging coats on the rack acted as curtains for sound absorption. The angle of the corner, combined with the position of sitting on the ground, provided a perspective to the room that was unusual. By embodying the posture I had in my mind, I gained a new experience and could now tell a new story. That being a child in the corner was not sad or lonely. Taking that posture of the child in that corner of the lobby, as the grown woman that I am, I felt comfortable because of the support of the glass wall. Cozy because of the coat curtain, and curious while observing others from an unusual perspective.
That inner-work gave me the ability to swallow the bitterness without gagging. Like my mom, I am now enjoying the bitter taste of life while taking in its beneficial elements.
<aside> 🥢 Using inner-work to unfold hidden parts of myself when facilitating
Once I was invited to facilitate a team session after a split in the team due to racial tensions. For the second session, I requested a co-facilitator and was paired up with someone that I have a working and amicable working relationship with. We agreed on the roles, with me taking the lead and that whatever happens within the session, we will support each other’s interventions, even when we do not fully understand it yet.
We prepared the flow for the session and were expecting the unexpected. Which was also what happened, shortly after the check-in round. My fellow facilitator looked at me and said out loud: ‘You know what, Sara? Time to improvise!’ The two of us called for a bio break and quickly aligned on the spot. I replied to her: ‘Whatever you want to do now, that’s the only thing that needs to happen. I will support you no matter what. Just tell me what you need.
She was brilliant and literally moved the room by asking participants to line up. While she was leading the group, I felt uneasy. My internal process involves a nagging voice, shouting: ‘Look at you now, you are supposed to be the lead and now she is doing all these brilliant moves. You are a joke and am incompetent’. Apart from this auditory channel, there was information coming in from the movement channel. Upon exploration of the movement, the song ‘Follow the Leader’ by Socca Boys came up. The message I got from this inner-work was ‘We are supposed to get it going, so it does not matter who takes the lead, as long as the group is moving and unfolding together’. Like the song itself. it might have simple chords and lyrics, and still, it gets people dancing which is the whole point.
On a world channel, the session itself was about exploring racial tension within teams and organizations. In terms of ranking in the consensus reality level, to have my fellow facilitator who self-identifies as black and female move to the center and take the lead, despite the agreement of roles we made before, was actually what the team needed to experience. Finally, on a relationship channel, my fellow facilitator was the one who referred me to the client in the first place. So if I can support her in this specific session (like the background dancers in the clip of Socca Boys), I am paying it forward for many who have suppprted me on my solo entrepreneurship journey. We are all meant to shine, not compete. Move together, dealing with life, either on stage or as an audience. We all move and dance to the music of life….
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<aside> 🔧 Application of innerwork in a designed session, meant to foster connections
In this 60-minute session, participants are members of a global community of facilitators. My intention and challenge is to create an atmosphere that will allow connection (to others and to self), contemplation time and deep sharing. Knowing that humans tend to avoid bitterness, I deliberately designed for playfulness upon arrival by inviting the participants to draw & rhyme. To stay steady and avoid getting jitters that is common at the edge, I incorporated elements of movement by slowing down to collect an item that tastes bitter, then treasure hunting for symbols. Before moving to solo reflection (finding the essence) and subgroup sharing.
Some of the feedforward I got from the participants:
🌹I really enjoyed the group coming together & tasting something bitter to rid us of winter toxins.
🌹The snapshot exercise was lovely, a great way to connect visually
🌹 I appreciated the fast pace and connectedness of the experiences that flowed like water, especially for a late morning break. Timing was flawless.
🪷 Perhaps giving us a heads up that we would be doing several scavenger hunts, although I did not mind the spontaneity. It added an element of surprise.
🪷✨ I loved the self-reflection writing, and would like to do this again as although I was present, I could perhaps have used more time.
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<aside> 🍚 Stirred fried Brussels sprouts with bacon
*This recipe is a mash-up between my Dutch and Taiwanese side. Brussels sprouts is something that is eaten often in Dutch winter. Boiled with potatoes and made in a big mash. It was a vegatable never found in my shopping cart as I disliked the bitter taste.
When a friend told me that her toddler loves Brussels sprouts I was so surprised! Then she shared this versatile recipe with me. Adapt and tweak to your own taste, The key here, for me, is not to boil the vegetable for too long. Just like doing inner-work, don’t wallow in it for too long, but use it to ‘burn your wood’ and learn from the insights.
Over time, I have learn to appreciate the crunchy bite and bitter yet morish taste of this miniature cabbage.*
Ingredients
Steps
<aside> 📖 Back to chapters 🌶️SPICY
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